I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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