Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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