Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
