you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Randomize
