she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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