Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
