It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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