moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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