So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
