My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
