I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
