I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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