This girl is more easily done than said...
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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