I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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