ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
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My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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