I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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