Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm like, not good at living.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
