Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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