She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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