if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
