Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
