Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
