if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
