yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
