he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
