You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
