My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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