Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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