hotel room ftw
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
