those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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