Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You took a bar mat shot.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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