I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Randomize
