I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Randomize
