im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
