Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just gargled with NyQuil
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
