he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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