Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
