you told grandpa to call you daddy
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
