Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
