I wanna passion pit in your ass
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
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Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
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My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
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