The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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