we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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