i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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