so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
