Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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