Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
