My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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