I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
