I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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