i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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