Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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