Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
