Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize