I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
