Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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