Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
