How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
