bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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