Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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