based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize