the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
