Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
