dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
