My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
